Don’t worry, I’m still here.

It’s been a while since I’ve written…I told you all I do this. I’ve been reading, painting and hanging with my family.

I’ve been struggling with having my blog, almost deleted it (damn you anxiety) but I didn’t. Yay.

When I set out to begin my blogging journey, I wanted to tell my story and I simply hoped to help someone along the way. Well, I got the comment on one of my blogs where someone told me, “thanks for writing this” and that totally reinforced what I had set out to do. I’ve helped someone so now I can simply write and hang out with you all knowing I did the one thing I wanted to do.

I have so many plans for my blog. I want to tell you about my husband’s affair and I want to tell you how I survived. That will basically be a book, be prepared to read a lot and maybe cry and maybe laugh…laugh you say? Maybe.

Stay tuned y’all. I promise not to delete.

Thank you to the maybe 20 people who follow me. You totally rock!




The straw that broke the camels back.

I’ve been down since yesterday. The moment my therapist had me get on that scale was the moment my mood shifted. You see, I had an expectation. I had been fitting in clothes I haven’t fit in in over two years. I was looking in the mirror feeling super good about myself, then I stepped on the scale.

I was 20 pounds over weight. Is my idea of myself way different than the reality of myself? Jokes on me right.

I have battled weight gain since being put on Depakote a few years ago. After I found out my husband had been having an affair, I couldn’t function. I spent most of my time either starring out the window like a zombie or on the kitchen floor in a pool of tears. In order to get me functioning again the doctors prescribed me an antidepressant such as Zoloft and a mood stabilzer, Depakote. Well, I went from 118 to 150. I’m 5’4. I was a personal trainer and yoga instructor. I was super fit and felt strong and confident. I have never had a problem with my weight but I do now. I don’t care who you are, that amount of weight gain would bother you.

I have changed medicines, getting off Depakote and moving on to Lamictal. My mood is stable but my weight is not and you know, it really upsets me. I know you are not supposed to put your worth and happiness into a scale but I’m sorry, I do. I can’t help it.

I’ve also recently shifted into a slight hypomanic state, doing whatever I could to get a school loan and go back to school. That is a typical high for me. I have since dropped the idea and am now feeling down…bipolar depression.

I think the scale was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. I told y’all, my mood will shift and if you follow me, you will see it. You will see the highs and you will see the lows. I’m not going to hide it. It is so very healing for me to write this all down. Even if no one reads it, I feel a release and that is all that really matters. If I help someone along the way, then that is simply beautiful and makes me happy.

Ok then, I guess I’m done. My brain is running out of things to say.

Talk to you later


Thank the good Lord it’s Tea Time!

For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
Andy Rooney

Holy Hell…what happened to my cabinets…

So, I was walking around tootin my own horn about how clean my house is when I looked down at my white kitchen cabinets and said out loud…

“Holy Hell, what happened to my cabinets…”

I mean, how in the world did I miss all of those little food stains and finger print dirt on every single cabinet door and how long have they looked this bad🤤

Then begins the “which one of yalls”  the  “don’t bes” the “oh hell nos” and the “not in my house”

Which one of y’all have been touching all over the cabinets?

Don’t be touching my cabinets.

Oh hell no,  we aint livin dirty…not in my house.  

Then after all that you begin to scrub those cabinets talking under your breath in a language even you can’t understand…

You get those cabinets shiny again then begins the…

“Come heres” the “I shouldn’t haves” and the “mama loves yous”

Come here guys.  I shouldn’t have yelled at you.  I just got upset about the cabinets.  Mama loves you.

Then we all live happily ever after…until…



I’ll Show you Scale

First and foremost, thank you for enduring my tantrum with me.  If it wasn’t frowned upon I would have totally been rolling around on the ground banging my fists on the floor like a toddler…but, like I said, that is unacceptable behavior.  I’m showing that scale how I really feel.  Let me explain.

Have you noticed that being pissed comes in three steps. 

I’m mad at you.

I’ll show you.

I’m sorry baby.

Well…I’m at the I’ll Show You step.  And to show the scale how I really feel I had my screw you sandwich with lots of mayo, my frick off bag of Doritos and my bite my ass ding dong. 
Stay tuned for my I’m sorry baby…



One pissed off Mo Fo. 

Scales Suck

You know, I’ve been working my ass off in hot, hard freaking yoga 5 days a week, sometimes 6.  I haven’t had one single drink since January 1st, I eat healthy and drink more water than ever before and today I went to therapy feeling all good about myself and my extra small pants I bought that didn’t rip at the seams when I put them on and you know what, I weighed way more than my brain thought I weighed and now I’m just freaking pissed.  There is no silver lining up in here, I’m a straight up Thunderstorm.



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